Musical

November 20, 2018

Me: What did he have that they really wanted him that much?
Wife: Testicles.
Eleven-Year-Old: That sounded like a musical instrument.

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Duck-Themed

November 16, 2018

Eleven-Year-Old: I have lots of duck-themed Christmas songs in my head.

Saxophone

October 15, 2018

Me: Why is there a gorilla playing the saxophone?

Lovers

September 26, 2018

Me: I tried Googling “emo music,” and the first song it suggested was called “Ohio is For Lovers.”

To be fair, that song is really emo.

Interpret

August 4, 2018

Graduate Student: How do you interpret musical sounds?
Me: What do you mean?
Graduate Student: Never mind.

Trombone

August 2, 2018

Graduate Student: I knew you had a pink trombone. I remember that!

Shaker

July 28, 2018

Colleague: With a shaker, you can join any band. If someone’s playing on the stage, I join them with this.

Mincing

July 22, 2018

Colleague: It’s called a “Jew’s harp,” or a “jaw harp.”
Me: I think that’s just a mincing of “Jew’s harp.”

Harmonica

July 21, 2018

Graduate Student: Are you saying there’s a G-spot on the harmonica?

Fiftyish

July 17, 2018

Me: Imagine a bunch of fiftyish Austrians with heavy accents playing Eric Clapton’s “Cocaine.”