Frog

September 7, 2017

Ten-Year-Old: I fought the frog, and the frog won!

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Beat

August 8, 2017

Me: This has a good beat.
Thirteen-Year-Old: See? I told you. K-Pop is the best.
Wife: I wouldn’t go that far. K-Pop is a thing.

Lobster

August 2, 2017

Ten-Year-Old: What is that?



Me: It’s the singing lobster in the trunk.

Pantsing

June 9, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: Pants pants, the new trend.
Me [singing]: “These pants were made for pantsing.”
No, no, that’s not right!

Talk

May 28, 2017

Five-Year-Old: Cats don’t talk, except when they’re making music.

Me: Here.
Wife: Olives and French toast. There we go.
Me [singing]: Breakfast of champions.

Computing

November 10, 2016

Me: You computing the music for your next fart, or what?

Harmonics

November 9, 2016

Wife: Ice cream makes her fart harmonics! How is that not funny?

Relaxing

September 29, 2016

Wife: That’s not relaxing pooping music.

Disability

September 6, 2016

Me [singing]: If I had a hammer
Wife: … you’d go on disability.