Shaggy

March 16, 2019

Me: He had a pretty successful career as a DJ.
Wife: He lives in a van!

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Maturing

March 3, 2019

Fourteen-Year-Old: Oh my God, they’re maturing as a group! Ooooo!

Bias

February 20, 2019

Fourteen-Year-Old: How am I supposed to stay loyal to my bias if everyone is bias wrecking?

Grotto

February 1, 2019

Me [singing]: They slept in the grotto with the dwarf with no name.

Marvin

January 1, 2019

Me: Nobody looks that much like Marvin Gaye by accident.

Floyd

December 24, 2018

Me: So what does it mean?
Wife: Hand wash cold, while listening to Pink Floyd.

How Many

December 18, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: I don’t stand them. I don’t know how many there are. I just like their music.

Musical

November 20, 2018

Me: What did he have that they really wanted him that much?
Wife: Testicles.
Eleven-Year-Old: That sounded like a musical instrument.

Duck-Themed

November 16, 2018

Eleven-Year-Old: I have lots of duck-themed Christmas songs in my head.

Saxophone

October 15, 2018

Me: Why is there a gorilla playing the saxophone?