June 23, 2018

Friend: Also, I have attempted to hum the X-Files theme.
Me: “Also”?



May 1, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: I turned his music down, because it’s terrible.
Wife: Yeah, it really is, isn’t it? I may just block it all at the router.
Me: Heh.
Wife: Oh, you think I’m kidding? Oh, sweety.
Me: Can you block all folk must on YouTube?
Wife: Maybe.
Fourteen-Year-Old: Just block everything on his Favorites list.
Wife: Good idea! What’s your password?
Six-Year-Old [yelling from other room]: Don’t tell her!!!


April 28, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: You know how everyone is always trying to hum the X-Files theme?


February 22, 2018

Thirteen-Year-Old: Oh my god. I just realized I don’t know any of them!
Me: What?
Thirteen-Year-Old: Nothing. I’m just a total failure at life.
Me: Because you don’t know enough about one of your favorite K-pop bands?
Thirteen-Year-Old: Yes! I don’t know any of the members! I am such a failure as a fan. It’s only because I really like their music.


December 5, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: They’re such a fetus group, and yet they go so much attention.


December 1, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old [singing]: That was awkward as fuck.


November 20, 2017

Me: No K-pop while I’m talking on the phone.
Thirteen-Year-Old: But I’m working!


November 12, 2017

Friend: Don’t you teapot at me!


November 11, 2017

Me: I’m sorry I ruined your deep and meaningful K-pop music with a counterpoint of the chicken dance.


October 20, 2017

Wife: A Didgeridoo playing a EKG rhythm. There.