Grotto

February 1, 2019

Me [singing]: They slept in the grotto with the dwarf with no name.

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Marvin

January 1, 2019

Me: Nobody looks that much like Marvin Gaye by accident.

Floyd

December 24, 2018

Me: So what does it mean?
Wife: Hand wash cold, while listening to Pink Floyd.

How Many

December 18, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: I don’t stand them. I don’t know how many there are. I just like their music.

Musical

November 20, 2018

Me: What did he have that they really wanted him that much?
Wife: Testicles.
Eleven-Year-Old: That sounded like a musical instrument.

Duck-Themed

November 16, 2018

Eleven-Year-Old: I have lots of duck-themed Christmas songs in my head.

Saxophone

October 15, 2018

Me: Why is there a gorilla playing the saxophone?

Lovers

September 26, 2018

Me: I tried Googling “emo music,” and the first song it suggested was called “Ohio is For Lovers.”

To be fair, that song is really emo.

Interpret

August 4, 2018

Graduate Student: How do you interpret musical sounds?
Me: What do you mean?
Graduate Student: Never mind.

Trombone

August 2, 2018

Graduate Student: I knew you had a pink trombone. I remember that!