Elvis

August 26, 2019

Me: Man, I hate Elvis today.

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Goner

July 31, 2019

Me [singing]: Godzilla came back the very next day.
Godzilla came back. We thought he was a goner
But Godzilla came back. Godzilla just couldn’t stay away,
No, no no, ah-doodley-doo.

Anthem

July 9, 2019

Me: Why is Order of the Arrow song sung to the tune of the Tsarist national anthem?

Puritan

June 30, 2019

Me: Was that guy dressed as a Puritan, playing an electric guitar that wasn’t plugged in?

With The Pink

June 5, 2019

Me: Where’s the man with the pink trombone?

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Enjoyed

June 3, 2019

Me: I really enjoyed the trombone we had tonight.

Top

May 17, 2019

Me: What’s on top of it?
Eleven-Year-Old: The jam house!

Shaggy

March 16, 2019

Me: He had a pretty successful career as a DJ.
Wife: He lives in a van!

Maturing

March 3, 2019

Fourteen-Year-Old: Oh my God, they’re maturing as a group! Ooooo!

Bias

February 20, 2019

Fourteen-Year-Old: How am I supposed to stay loyal to my bias if everyone is bias wrecking?