April 30, 2012
Me: What if you put hot grits in pantyhose?
April 29, 2012
Me: I love you.
Wife: Your face looks fat today.
April 28, 2012
Wife: They had a mustache convention here… in the sink…. Yes, that’s it.
April 27, 2012
Me: I would have thought, most trailer parks, there’s a rule against having your own rooster.
April 26, 2012
Me: Does a butt really have a front?
April 25, 2012
Wife: I’ll bet squid would bounce on it, if they had a bed. The squid would totally be into that.
April 24, 2012
Four-Year-Old: I have a bucket of one piranha fish!
April 23, 2012
Wife: So I’m just thinking, “Great, a strange naked man just stepped into my shower and is talking to an imaginary horse.”