Grits
April 30, 2012
Me: What if you put hot grits in pantyhose?
Face
April 29, 2012
Me: I love you.
Wife: Your face looks fat today.
Convention
April 28, 2012
Wife: They had a mustache convention here… in the sink…. Yes, that’s it.
Rooster
April 27, 2012
Me: I would have thought, most trailer parks, there’s a rule against having your own rooster.
Front
April 26, 2012
Me: Does a butt really have a front?
Bounce
April 25, 2012
Wife: I’ll bet squid would bounce on it, if they had a bed. The squid would totally be into that.
Piranha
April 24, 2012
Four-Year-Old: I have a bucket of one piranha fish!
Imaginary Horse
April 23, 2012
Wife: So I’m just thinking, “Great, a strange naked man just stepped into my shower and is talking to an imaginary horse.”
Patron
April 22, 2012
Me: So, do you know—is there really a patron saint of engineers?
Customers
April 21, 2012
Wife: Wow! The waitress is not supposed to beat the customers.
Me: What do you think this is, Durgin Park?