Ephemeral

Friend:  I confess to being impressed that people managed to create something even more ephemeral than cryptocurrency that’s actually worth more per token than even Bitcoin.

Alice

Me: I know its heteronormative, but men with short hair should not wear Alice bands.

Underscore

Voice on Phone:  You have a delivery scheduled for… schedule underscore date.

Guts

Me:  What is he doing now?
Nine-Year-Old:  Guts and glory.

Something

Me: Say something funny.
Nine-Year-Old: What?
Me: Say something funny!
Nine-Year-Old: Why?

Permed

Me:  That guy is way too permed to be a barbarian.

Should

Student: I don’t know if you should sit by me, because I smell bad.

Creed

Me: Why does keep calling his crowbar “Gladys”? Is this the Crowbarman’s Creed?

Aqua

Me [singing]: Aquaman, Aquaman, does whatever the color aqua can.

My birthday—huh.

Racetrack

Me: I talked to [Seventeen-Year-Old] and [Nine-Year-Old]. She said you were heading out to the racetrack to get your vaccine.
Wife: Uh-huh.
Me: She didn’t say it that way.
Wife: I knew that.