Fetish-y

August 16, 2018

Me: That’s a little too fetish-y for me.

Advertisements

Comb

August 15, 2018

Colleague: You can’t comb the hair on a billiard ball.

Harder

August 13, 2018

Me: The less you’re supposed to teach, the harder it is.

Taught

August 12, 2018

Colleague: My father never taught me how to drink. He taught me how to get drunk.

Inebriated

August 10, 2018

Graduate Student: Your noble disaster at least helped you—it gave you the medicine—so as not to be inebriated.

Impale

August 7, 2018

Colleague: He really curbed crime.
Graduate Student: All he had to do is threaten to impale them!
Colleague: Well, it worked!

Emo

August 5, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: I was giving myself emo eye makeup. When I tried to take it off, I made a mess, and now it looks like I got punched.

Headlock

July 27, 2018

Me: It’s not a real party unless there’s a picture of somebody in a headlock.

Ambiguities

July 25, 2018

Graduate Student: Why not just have a fucking cocktail, and deal with your sexual ambiguities later?

Promote

July 15, 2018

Colleague: If you want to promote your science: cat or penis!