Attack

December 15, 2018

Six-Year-Old: Why can I not have my heart attack?

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Surface

December 10, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: They don’t know about sex. They know about surface-level sex.

Rivers

November 26, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: Rivers of hair.

Hiding

November 23, 2018

Six-Year-Old: I forgot where I was! I thought I was hiding inside [Eleven-Year-Old]!

Musical

November 20, 2018

Me: What did he have that they really wanted him that much?
Wife: Testicles.
Eleven-Year-Old: That sounded like a musical instrument.

Monitor

November 9, 2018

Me: I can smell that guy’s B. O. through my monitor.

Plum

November 1, 2018

Me: Ow!
Six-Year-Old: What is it?
Me: I just bit into a plum, and I got piece of the pit stuck between my teeth!

Life

October 29, 2018

Eleven-Year-Old: Falling asleep and burning to death is not usually life.

Canopic

October 26, 2018

Six-Year-Old: I made up new future game. It’s called, “Guess the organ.” You just have to guess the organ in the canopic jar.

Trade

October 22, 2018

Friend: There is no organ trade in Palladium, unless you count alchemists’ shops.