Semi

November 21, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: Aaah! My butt! Why did you throw chocolate chips at my butt?
Wife: Becuase you’re semi sweet.

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Teapot

November 12, 2017

Friend: Don’t you teapot at me!

Largest

November 7, 2017

Me: The largest cell in my body hurts.

Hurts

November 6, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: It’s not me. If your face hurts, that’s a problem.

Ulcers

November 3, 2017

Me: How are you feeling?
Thirteen-Year-Old: How do you think? Like I’ve got ovarian ulcers.

Stab

October 27, 2017

Student: I want to stab the mage in the face.

Force

October 26, 2017

Student: Blunt force trauma is the usual way elves die.

Viscera

October 23, 2017

Wife: You’ve got some viscera on your chin.

Agreement

October 16, 2017

Me: Since reading the hed for the news story, I have found myself wondering whether stripping naked in public automatically counts as an act of gender presentation in agreement with anatomical sex.

Hand’s

October 8, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: Ew! My hand’s in your underwear!