Poisoning

June 24, 2019

Colleague: I think I had food poisoning during my talk.

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Pubic

June 23, 2019

Friend: I tried to add some pubic hair in there.

TINA

June 21, 2019

Colleague: The dick on the wall.
Me: Does that say “TINA” next to it?

Picture

June 17, 2019

Friend: Do you see that picture?
Me: Of the penis?

Movements

June 15, 2019

Student: I love hearing about people’s bowel movements.

Proud

June 14, 2019

First Friend: Wiggle your ass and make me proud.
Second Friend: What?
Me: Wiggle your ass and make her proud.
Second Friend: Do you want me to waggle your ass?
First Friend: No.
Second Friend: Do you want a fucking lap dance?

Born

June 13, 2019

First Student: I was born in a year, in a land far away.
Second Student: Bitch!

Exporting

June 8, 2019

First Student: Keep poop local!
Second Student: As opposed to what? Exporting it?
First Student: We don’t want any of your Swedish poop in Bloomington.

Slammed

June 4, 2019

Me: She’s used to being body slammed by Punjabis.

Sparkle

June 2, 2019

Student: I don’t know, but I love the sparkle on my ass.