Nose

September 30, 2016

Four-Year-Old: [Four-Year-Old’s Friend] peed out her nose!

Relaxing

September 29, 2016

Wife: That’s not relaxing pooping music.

Shave

September 28, 2016

Wife: You know what’s the most manly shave? Beer!

Bishop

September 27, 2016

Me: I’m a bishop with a club.

Circles

September 26, 2016

Me: Running in circles is for soccer players and girl scouts.

Slow

September 25, 2016

Wife: Please stop slow humping the bed.

Clubbing

September 24, 2016

Me: You can go business casual clubbing.

Cave

September 23, 2016

Wife: I don’t want you in my lady cave.

Naturally

September 22, 2016

Me: Do you have to practice being twelve, or does it just come naturally?

Hurt

September 21, 2016

Nine-Year-Old: You can’t hurt me! I’m a police car!