Agreement

October 16, 2017

Me: Since reading the hed for the news story, I have found myself wondering whether stripping naked in public automatically counts as an act of gender presentation in agreement with anatomical sex.

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Impaler

July 8, 2017

Me: Don’t poke that guy. He might poke you back, and you don’t want to be poked by Vlad the Impaler.
Thirteen-Year-Old: It’s okay. He’s dead.
Me: Again, with this guy, being dead—that may not stop him from coming after you.

Fantasies

April 1, 2017

Me: Interestingly, a lot of the “Donald Trump” category at Archive of Our Own is not actually slashfic, but assassination fantasies.

Stuck

March 31, 2017

Me: Sixty million people voted for Trump. A few hundred per year can get their penises stuck in shop vacs.

Jewels

November 16, 2016

Me: I had a really bad dream last night. It was like Donald Trump was in The Silmarillion. Imagine if Trump were leading the armies in the War of the Jewels, instead of the sons of FĂ«anor. “We’re going to build a wall around Angband! And who’s going to pay for that wall? Morgoth!”

Stumbled

November 8, 2016

Me: Cthulhu for President: A mountain walked or stumbled.

Misbehavior

August 31, 2016

Me: Is Anthony Wiener‘s misbehavior actually the most brilliant viral marketing campaign of all time?

Wit

April 9, 2016

Me: In all three cases, once I knew that there were two opposing factions, I knew immediately what the primary bone of contention was. To wit: relations with the mainland, how into it the wife is allowed to be while it’s happening, and whether soap is ever appropriate.

Edgar

March 12, 2016

Me: Has anyone every seen dead J. Edgar Hoover and Bill Gates in the same place?

Political Party

December 25, 2015

Cousin [reading]:I want to make pants illegal.” I’m in that political party. I hate pants.