Hitler

October 7, 2018

Wife: Dude, if Hitler’s coming to a synagogue farmers’ market in 2018, WAKE THE FUCK UP, because that’s not real.

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Welsh?

August 8, 2018

Graduate Student: What are country Romanians like? Like the Welsh?

Impale

August 7, 2018

Colleague: He really curbed crime.
Graduate Student: All he had to do is threaten to impale them!
Colleague: Well, it worked!

Transylvanian

August 6, 2018

Colleague: I wouldn’t drink that. I’m a Transylvanian drinker.

Capitalists

June 2, 2018

Bathroom Stall Graffiti: Kill The
CAPITALISTS
Communists
capitalists
Why can’t we
make peace

Painted

May 2, 2018

Colleague: I’m being painted with the pig brush.

Witch-King

April 26, 2018

Colleague: Did you hear the Witch-King of Angmar pledged his company’s swords to Imrahil if he would contest with Faramir for the throne?

Admittedly, I’m associating names rather randomly, but still.
Me: Given how lost this leaves me, this is a strong candidate for the blog.

Agreement

October 16, 2017

Me: Since reading the hed for the news story, I have found myself wondering whether stripping naked in public automatically counts as an act of gender presentation in agreement with anatomical sex.

Impaler

July 8, 2017

Me: Don’t poke that guy. He might poke you back, and you don’t want to be poked by Vlad the Impaler.
Thirteen-Year-Old: It’s okay. He’s dead.
Me: Again, with this guy, being dead—that may not stop him from coming after you.

Fantasies

April 1, 2017

Me: Interestingly, a lot of the “Donald Trump” category at Archive of Our Own is not actually slashfic, but assassination fantasies.