Legal

Me: I should stop answering calls from things that aren’t even legal phone numbers.

You

Colleague: I just want to make sure that I understand.
Me: You don’t.

Telling

Me: I keep telling graduate students not to work with [Colleague], but they are convinced they know better than I do.

Ominous

Me: Apparently, large funerals are still allowed, in spite of social distancing. That seems ominous and ironic.

Output

Me: Don’t need to see your desk. I only need to see your output.

Pages

Me: Some are pretty good, but some just spin out of control, and by the last couple pages I have no idea what the student is trying to calculate.

Boring

Me [while sleeping]: This dream is boring. I’ve had enough.

Physical

Sixteen-Year-Old:  I like physical books.  They’ve got such character.
Me:  But you have to find a way to hold them open.
Sixteen-Year-Old:  That’s the best part, finding an awkward position to hold the pages.  Then having to change your position every five minutes.
Me:  Oh, you’re so young.

Pawed

Me: Two-pawed tales of adventure.

Transcribe

Me: I didn’t even transcribe the things from the Court of Dreams.