Nose

December 31, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: Don’t ask why I have a rock in my nose. I don’t know why.

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Licking

December 30, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: It sounds so weird next to my ear!
Wife: That’s my hand.
Thirteen-Year-Old: No, her licking your hand.

Mascara

December 27, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: It looks like you have mascara or poop on your arm.

Conversation

December 25, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: I’ve got itchy brain from his conversation.

Supposed

December 24, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: Why, was that supposed to be funny?


I mean, Hah, hah, hah, hah. I love you.

Gelt

December 23, 2017

Five-Year-Old: There’s no more gelt! You made Hanukkah be over!

Super Piranha

December 22, 2017

Five-Year-Old: [Ten-Year-Old] has a super, super piranha.

Candles

December 21, 2017

Ten-Year-Old: These candles smell like candles, for some reason.
Five-Year-Old: They smell like lights to me.

Waves

December 20, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: I just thought of something.
Me: What?
Thirteen-Year-Old: Are waves raping the beach?

Tying

December 19, 2017

Gamer: Tying a knot will clean a multitude of sins.

Make of that what you will.