Affairs

Me [in referee report]:  The authors’ response letter demonstrates that there are apparently many other individuals who have also failed to understand the nature of what constitutes quantum phase transitions.  Sad as that state of affairs may be, however, that is no justification for publishing something based on a completely faulty premise.

Lawsuit

Colleague:  I don’t know why [other colleague] is teaching anything.
Me:  I guess the lawsuit is still waiting.

Colonoscopy

Friend:  [His wife] just had a colonoscopy.
Me:  Didn’t she already just have one of those?
Friend:  No, no, that was the hysterectomy—the other one.

Poo

Colleague:  Did somebody poo on this book?

Gay

Seventeen-Year-Old:  Dumb bitch!  Everyone on this show is a dumb bitch—some gay, some not. The only through line is dumb bitch.

Reign

Seventeen-Year-Old:  I will give you a hat, and I will name you.  I don’t know what I will name you, but it’ll be a good name; and we will reign chaos together.

Bros

Seventeen-Year-Old:  I hate NFT bros.

Mopeds

Me:  Three things that really go together:  hedgehogs, mopeds, and hand sanitizer

Spam

Me:  I hate it when I get spam in Hebrew.

Wallet

Fourteen-Year-Old:  Are you going call your wallet with them?