Whole

Friend:  It’s like a whole tits-out shirt

Dirty Work

Me:  It should be a desk reject, but they want me to do their dirty work for them.

Offended

Me:  If spreading your wings means just staying home and eating Cheetos in bed, that’s fine.
Eighteen-Year-Old:  It’s really more that I want to lie in bed and not eat Cheetos.
…
But you’re not that far off.  I’m just offended that you think I eat Cheetos.

Kidnapped

Eighteen-Year-Old:  I kidnapped myself, remember.

College

Eighteen-Year-Old:  I feel like that must just be part of the college experience—somebody being fucking idiot.
Me:  Yep, pretty much.

Happening

Eighteen-Year-Old:  That would be the most interesting thing that was happening in my life, if I were not an idiot who did not know how to get off of a bus at the right time.

Exertion

Eighteen-Year-Old:  And now I’m tired.
Me:  Laughing tired you out?
Eighteen-Year-Old:  Yep.  Apparently I’m an old lady who can’t handle any kind of exertion.

Sensible

Eighteen-Year-Old:  What the fuck was I on?  What was I on?
Me:  To be fair, you say a lot of sensible stuff.  It’s just much less likely to make it onto the blog.

Barbed

Me:  People who haven’t been to prison shouldn’t have barbed wire tattoos.

The only other ingredients were jalapenos and vinegar.

Me:  The “hot pepper mix” has carrots in it.