Loaf

Me [singing]: Ham loaf, ham loaf… ham loaf!
Wife: Please don’t do that.
Five-Year-Old [singing]: Ham loaf, ham loaf.
Ham loaf, ham loaf.
Ham loaf, ham loaf.
…
Ham loaf, ham loaf.
Ham loaf, ham loaf.

Comma

Five-Year-Old [singing]: Around the world in eighty days. Comma, comma, question mark.
Spider going up your back. Snakes going down your back.
Spider going up your back. Snakes going down your back.
Cat scratch. Dog bite.
…
Uh….

Aficionado

Five-Year-Old: What kid of wine is it?
Wife: Since when did you become an wine aficionado? What’s the difference between pinot grigio and pinot noir?
Five-Year-Old: Today!

GIMP

Me: Maybe you could do both images across the top of the blog.
Wife: There’s a way to waste an hour. Where’s my GIMP?

Spanish

Five-Year-Old: You never understand what I’m saying, because I’m Spanish.

Evolution

Me: We were supposed to have freedom of religion, but those rules weren’t always followed. For example, in some places there were laws that said you couldn’t teach evolution.
Nine-Year-Old: But evolution is awesome!

Category

Me: What category should that go under? “Animals” and “Romance”?
Wife: “John Huss and Oliver Tambo.”
Me: “Robots” it is.

Masturbatory

Wife: I hope you and the masturbatory shark tooth are very happy together.
…
Shit.
Me: Should that go on the blog?
Wife: Yes.

Hallmark

Wife: I think I’m going to have a psychotic break just to get out of this conversation. I just wanted to let you know.
Me: Please don’t.
Wife: There should be a Hallmark card for that.

Sharks

Wife: Sharks are practically the least sexy things out there. They just swim around being bug-eyed.