September 13, 2014
Wife: Take me out to a woodchuck restaurant, and I’ll do you one better.
September 12, 2014
Wife: I have nine more months to have half of my life spent with you, so don’t fuck that up now.
September 11, 2014
Me: I would like a castle that can change into an airplane.
Ten-Year-Old: Give me fifty bucks.
September 9, 2014
Wife: Where are you going to find a picture of a silly-looking prostitute who is somewhat fat?
Wife: Fifi le Beefy.
September 8, 2014
Student: Whoever has been leaving the door open for us is a saint.
Me: A saint, eh? Alright, now let’s hear from the advocatus diaboli!
Happy Birthday, Wife!
September 7, 2014
Me: It would be hot if you ate a whole lemon.
September 6, 2014
Wife: Make good decisions.
So you won’t have to be hugged as much.
By a bear in a sweater.
September 5, 2014
Me: I need a more secure root password for my butt.
Wife: See, now you’re getting it.