August 19, 2014
Seven-Year-Old: Can I come along?
Wife: For a run?
Wife: It’s going to be a mile and a half, and you have to actually run.
Seven-Year-Old: Can I play outside?
August 18, 2014
Wife: If you use tenure farts to get me a job, I’m going to be annoyed.
August 16, 2014
Me: I’m Professor Husband! I deal with academic politics!
Wife: In your underwear?
Wife: With tenure farts?
Me: Yes, I use tenure farts.
August 15, 2014
Me: Let me be your thesis defense svengali.
August 14, 2014
Me: I guess you keep doing it until you run out of egg white.
August 13, 2014
Wife: I call: “No balls! I don’t need to know!”
August 12, 2014
Me: I need to strip down to my underwear, so I can remember who I am.
August 11, 2014
Me: I know where every bit of meat in my hoard is.
Wife: You have a meat hoard?
August 10, 2014
Wife: It’s not exactly like barf.