Operating

October 6, 2018

Me: That was just Snoop Dogg playing the operating system.

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Dino

October 5, 2018

Me: I’m going to watch Cupcake and Dino until I find something that makes sense.

Thinking

October 4, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: I don’t know if I’m going to eat, because I started thinking.

Beater

October 3, 2018

Me: That guy made a keffiyeh out of a wife beater.
Fourteen-Year-Old: What?
Me: That guy is wearing a keffiyeh made out of a wife beater.
Fourteen-Year-Old: I know. I was trying ignore it.

Virman

October 2, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: Wonderful! Wunderbar!
Me: Virman Vundabar?

Prosperity

October 1, 2018

Eleven-Year-Old: In the Philippines, a gift of a chamber pot is supposed to promote prosperity
Me: “Eat a lot, poop a lot”?

Hipsters

September 30, 2018

Eleven-Year-Old: Math hipsters are annoying.

Chill

September 29, 2018

Fourteen-Year-Old: It’s like, chill in the front, anxiety in the butt.

Snorlax

September 28, 2018

Six-Year-Old: You’re an adult. You look more like Snorlax.

Fondling

September 27, 2018

Wife: Stop fondling me with your toes. It was okay until you said, “Hey, baby.”