Cow

September 8, 2017

Five-Year-Old: I’m melting the cow!

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Frog

September 7, 2017

Ten-Year-Old: I fought the frog, and the frog won!

Economy Game

September 6, 2017

Me: He could be beaten back, but not killed.
Ten-Year-Old: This is the economy game. People die.

Gorilla

September 5, 2017

Five-Year-Old: Come on, green gorilla!

Speak

September 4, 2017

Ten-Year-Old: Pusheen can speak English, but the only thing she can say is “meow.”

Lemonade

September 3, 2017

Ten-Year-Old: I have a big eye.
Wife: It looks like you’re crying lemonade.

Document

September 2, 2017

Five-Year-Old: Get the document.
Ten-Year-Old: [unintelligible]
Five-Year-Old: It’s a document!
Ten-Year-Old: [unintelligible]
Five-Year-Old: Get the document!

Injure

September 1, 2017

Wife: Do not injure yourself just because we’re in a hospital.

Surf!

August 31, 2017

Five-Year-Old: Everybody time surf!

Lose

August 30, 2017

Five-Year-Old: Do you want some space cake?
Me: No thanks. I’m trying to lose space weight.