Meaningful

November 11, 2017

Me: I’m sorry I ruined your deep and meaningful K-pop music with a counterpoint of the chicken dance.

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Five-Year-Old: Why can’t Loki be Jewish?

Spoon

November 9, 2017

Five-Year-Old: It’s a gummi bowl! All of them are hiding from a giant spoon!

Ski

November 8, 2017

Me: More importantly, this raises the question: Can daleks ski?

Largest

November 7, 2017

Me: The largest cell in my body hurts.

Hurts

November 6, 2017

Thirteen-Year-Old: It’s not me. If your face hurts, that’s a problem.

Panther

November 5, 2017

Friend: We have salt water in the cave, and we have, you know, panther brains.

Kind

November 4, 2017

Friend: What kind of clam is it, man?

Ulcers

November 3, 2017

Me: How are you feeling?
Thirteen-Year-Old: How do you think? Like I’ve got ovarian ulcers.

Massaged

November 2, 2017

Wife: I just massaged eighty avocados for you. You’re welcome.