Tired

Two-Year-Old: I’m tired!
Me: Do you want to lie down?
Two-Year-Old: No! I want run around!

Eyeball

Me: Here.
Two-Year-Old: Thanks. I got eyeball! Eyeball!
Me: It’s not an eyeball. It’s a die.
Two-Year-Old: It’s not a die. It’s a eyeball. It’s eyeball.

His Dad

Me: Hi, Jayda.
Two-Year-Old’s Friend: His dad, he’s in “older twos.”

Pants

Me: Do you have any more pooping to do?
Two-Year-Old: In my pants.

Lip

Five-Year-Old: Daddy, can I sit on your lip?

Valentine

Five-Year-Old: Look at the Valentine I’m making for you. It will be really pretty in the end.

Frink

Wife: Oh, frink.
Five-Year-Old: “Frank”?
Wife: “Frink.”
Two-Year-Old: Yeah, frink!

Practicing

Wife: Now, start practicing, and stop throwing your spaghetti around the room.

Moving

Refrigerator: [clunk]
Two-Year-Old: What was that?
Me: That’s the fridge.
Two-Year-Old: It’s moving.
Me: It’s the ice maker. It’s, y’know, dumping the ice out.
Two-Year-Old: Moving!
Me: Yeah, it’s supposed to.
Two-Year-Old: Bad kitty!
Five-Year-Old: I can’t hear it.

Hooked

Me [trying to stand up]: Whoa-ugh!
Wife: What?
Me: I’m hooked on the chair.
Wife: Most people get hooked on phonics.
Five-Year-Old: Sit down. I can fix it.
…
There, you’re free.
Wife: Thanks.
Me: Yeah, thanks.