http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com If you think what fictional characters say is unrealistic, try my family's real-world conversations. People really say crazy, implausible, ridiculous things---more often than you might think. Fri, 27 Jan 2012 19:00:31 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ http://s2.wp.com/i/buttonw-com.png http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/cow/ http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/cow/#comments Fri, 27 Jan 2012 19:00:27 +0000 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/?p=2312 ]]> Me: Do you want tofu cream cheese?
Four-Year-Old: No! I’ve got the real cream cheese! Cow cream cheese!

]]> http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/cow/feed/ 0 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/26/tuxedo/ http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/26/tuxedo/#comments Thu, 26 Jan 2012 19:00:22 +0000 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/?p=2309 ]]> Me [looking at an image online]: Wow, it’s an actual tuxedo cheesecake tuxedo.
Wife: How does that work?
Me: Well, the woman next to it is wearing a dress made of bacon, so….

]]> http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/26/tuxedo/feed/ 0 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/25/chainsaw/ http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/25/chainsaw/#comments Wed, 25 Jan 2012 19:00:38 +0000 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/?p=2305 ]]> Me: Shirley and Peter are coming around with a chainsaw!
Wife: Huh!?!?

]]> http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/25/chainsaw/feed/ 0 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/24/night/ http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/24/night/#comments Tue, 24 Jan 2012 19:00:39 +0000 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/?p=2301 ]]> Seven-Year-Old: Dad! I forgot! I have school in the middle of the night!

]]> http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/24/night/feed/ 0 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/23/witch-hazel/ http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/23/witch-hazel/#comments Mon, 23 Jan 2012 19:00:28 +0000 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/?p=2303 ]]> Me: I’m going to Google, “Does witch hazel help with itching?“
Wife: Oh, God. I need to get you a separate Internet.

]]> http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/23/witch-hazel/feed/ 0 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/underwear-please/ http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/underwear-please/#comments Sun, 22 Jan 2012 19:00:47 +0000 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/?p=2290 ]]> Wife: Please put your underwear on first.
Four-Year-Old: No, socks!
Wife: Underwear, please!
Four-Year-Old: But you put your socks on first!
Wife: No, I don’t.
Me: Actually, Mommy usually puts her shirt on first.
Wife: Oh, thanks.
Seven-Year-Old: Most people do, actually.

]]> http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/underwear-please/feed/ 0 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/meth-2/ http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/meth-2/#comments Sat, 21 Jan 2012 19:00:04 +0000 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/?p=2294 ]]> Wife: Go on. Have fun.
Me: We will.
Wife: Don’t get killed.
Me: We won’t.
Wife: Don’t get yourself arrested.
Me: We won’t
Wife: Don’t fall into any meth pits.
Me: I can’t promise that.

]]> http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/meth-2/feed/ 0 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/trash/ http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/trash/#comments Fri, 20 Jan 2012 19:00:42 +0000 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/?p=2289 ]]> Friend: Get your lips off of that, and put it in the trash!

]]> http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/trash/feed/ 0 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/19/cuppy/ http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/19/cuppy/#comments Thu, 19 Jan 2012 19:00:57 +0000 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/?p=2293 ]]> Seven-Year-Old: I’m going to put it in the cup holder.
[To cup holder] Good cup holder. Be nice to cuppy.
…
But don’t squeeze the puppy—I mean, cuppy.

]]> http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/19/cuppy/feed/ 0 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/18/butter-2/ http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/18/butter-2/#comments Wed, 18 Jan 2012 19:00:58 +0000 Buzz http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/?p=2283 ]]> Four-Year-Old: I want a spoon.
Me: Here it is. Spoon!
Four-Year-Old: And a knife!
Me: You don’t need a knife for your ice cream.
Four-Year-Old: I don’t need it for the ice cream. I need it for the butter.
Me: There will be no butter on your ice cream!

]]> http://unrealisticdialogue.wordpress.com/2012/01/18/butter-2/feed/ 0 Buzz